Bullsh** .....
Why do you challange me like that? I hate it.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Is this me?
Guess my mornings are most depressing when I am low on energy. My body just does not want to get up into action, but the mind wanders into an uneasy mix of events, expressions and emotions.
I start peeping into my mind and get even more uneasy. I can see that I am on a roll. Unsteady, wobbly and rolling to an unknown direction. Something tells me that I am soon about to reach an unknown territory, an unknown phase of life that is far from the stability I had enjoyed for last few years.
I fear my temptations to cross the line. It is like moving towards what I want, at the stake of what I am.
My late nights and mornings have become very restless, and it is tough to cover the restlessness at times.
Sometimes, I feel that I am losing respect for myself. And I am unable to handle this.
I feel tired, of myself. And I am again late to get ready.
I start peeping into my mind and get even more uneasy. I can see that I am on a roll. Unsteady, wobbly and rolling to an unknown direction. Something tells me that I am soon about to reach an unknown territory, an unknown phase of life that is far from the stability I had enjoyed for last few years.
I fear my temptations to cross the line. It is like moving towards what I want, at the stake of what I am.
My late nights and mornings have become very restless, and it is tough to cover the restlessness at times.
Sometimes, I feel that I am losing respect for myself. And I am unable to handle this.
I feel tired, of myself. And I am again late to get ready.
midnight muse
It is past midnight and I am tired.
I hate this freedom of mind that the night gives me.
Somewhere I ask myself, will I get what I want?
Then I ask myself - what do I want?
And Then I ask - Dont I already haev what I want?
Then - why do I miss it so much?
What do I want?
Dont I already have it?
If I do, then why do I miss it ?
.....
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The morning after ...
Last night, I had a perfect sleep after so many days.
My dreamwoman held my hand softly, and made me feel the comfort of her presence. The last thing i remember that I was watching her with my half closed eyes as my head rested on her shoulder.
And then next thing I knew was getting up this morning in the world of straight forward reality. Woke up with the usual alarm on my cellphone, and looked at my empty arms. It took me a few moments to catch up with the reality that the night is over and a tough day awaits me ahead.
Get up man.... get ready...
My dreamwoman held my hand softly, and made me feel the comfort of her presence. The last thing i remember that I was watching her with my half closed eyes as my head rested on her shoulder.
And then next thing I knew was getting up this morning in the world of straight forward reality. Woke up with the usual alarm on my cellphone, and looked at my empty arms. It took me a few moments to catch up with the reality that the night is over and a tough day awaits me ahead.
Get up man.... get ready...
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Morning Muse Today
I want a lot in life, a lot more, lots more.
More than anyone has ever got.
More than anyone can ever thnk of.
- And its not about money.
Friday, March 14, 2008
What do we want?
It looks like a never ending chain.
सूरज को धरती तरसे,
धरती को चन्द्रमा ।
पानी में सीप जैसे,
प्यासी हर आत्मा।
बूँद छुपी किस बादल में
कोई जाने ना।
No one knows where will I get what I want.
I thought I got everything.
सब कुछ मांग लिया तुझको मांग कर।
उठते नहीं हैं हाथ मेरे इस दुआ के बाद।
But I guess I am not that wrong.
The foggy clarity
The eyes seem foggy, but the mind seems clear. Or, is it the other way round? Maybe what the eyes see is clear and what the mind visualizes is foggy and unclear. But one thing is for sure - There is a disparity between my eyes and mind.
In the middle of night, when eyes refuse to pull down the lids, and the mind is too tired to control its thoughts; the blurry mind wanders in the forbidden roads. Burning red and yellow fire in a fiery pattern angers my nerve and as i tilt my neck, the kaleidoscope of the mind shifts to blues of sadness, loneliness and pain. I shift my side and the patterns of the mind changes to my love. This interests me. I like to be in love. I like to think of you. Smiling again, I put the earphones on. The radio is playing the late night oldies. The ratteling nerve endings begin to soothe. Music tellls me that what I am doing is ok, very natural.
में हूँ वो झोंका,
मस्त हवा का,
संग तुम्हारे ,
चलता रहूँगा।
जब से हुई है,
तुमसे मोहब्बत,
मिलता रहा हूँ,
मिलता रहूँगा।
..... तुमसे अच्छा कौन है, ...... No one ...
The projections start flashing in mind, and eyes pull down the lids. The music gives way to the radio jockey and his irritating blabber makes me put off the radio. My memories start flashing the images of the walk I had downhill.
Questioning starts within the mind and conflicts fire up again. I get up from the bed and walk to the refrigerator. Need to eat. Nothing in there. Cold chilly freezer has some icecream inside. I take a spoon and scrape a layer and put it in my mouth. I press the frozen chunk between my toungue and the roof of my mouth. Painful chill runs across the nerves making me forget my thoughts. It starts melting under the preassure but I dont gulp it down. I think why an occasional rude behaviour upsets me so much. is it normal? I know I am stronger today, my bond is stronger today, but I also remember that I had broken down in the past when I could not handle the rudeness. I promise myself once again I will control my thoughts. I am much more stable today as compared to that time, when I had given up. But .. did I not think the same about myself even then? Am I failing? again?
I take another spoonful, a bigger one and shove it inside my mouth and make it melt again. I need to stop my thoughts going into a way I dont want to walk into. I am happy today and my happiness is about my love. The inside of mouth is icecold now. Brain - tired. Slowly I get back to the bed, close the eyes and let mind wander into cold nothingness. I let the earphone play the radio once again -
झुकी हुई निगाह में कहीं मेरा ख्याल था।
दबी दबी हसीं में इक, हँसीन सा सवाल था।
में सोचता था, मेरा नाम गुनगुना रही है वो।
न जाने क्यों लगा मुझे के मुस्कुरा रही है वो।
वो शाम .... कुछ अजीब थी .... ये शाम भी अजीब है।
वो कल भी पास पास थी, वो आज भी करीब है।
वो आज भी करीब है।
वो आज भी करीब है।
करीब... very close..
In the middle of night, when eyes refuse to pull down the lids, and the mind is too tired to control its thoughts; the blurry mind wanders in the forbidden roads. Burning red and yellow fire in a fiery pattern angers my nerve and as i tilt my neck, the kaleidoscope of the mind shifts to blues of sadness, loneliness and pain. I shift my side and the patterns of the mind changes to my love. This interests me. I like to be in love. I like to think of you. Smiling again, I put the earphones on. The radio is playing the late night oldies. The ratteling nerve endings begin to soothe. Music tellls me that what I am doing is ok, very natural.
में हूँ वो झोंका,
मस्त हवा का,
संग तुम्हारे ,
चलता रहूँगा।
जब से हुई है,
तुमसे मोहब्बत,
मिलता रहा हूँ,
मिलता रहूँगा।
..... तुमसे अच्छा कौन है, ...... No one ...
The projections start flashing in mind, and eyes pull down the lids. The music gives way to the radio jockey and his irritating blabber makes me put off the radio. My memories start flashing the images of the walk I had downhill.
Questioning starts within the mind and conflicts fire up again. I get up from the bed and walk to the refrigerator. Need to eat. Nothing in there. Cold chilly freezer has some icecream inside. I take a spoon and scrape a layer and put it in my mouth. I press the frozen chunk between my toungue and the roof of my mouth. Painful chill runs across the nerves making me forget my thoughts. It starts melting under the preassure but I dont gulp it down. I think why an occasional rude behaviour upsets me so much. is it normal? I know I am stronger today, my bond is stronger today, but I also remember that I had broken down in the past when I could not handle the rudeness. I promise myself once again I will control my thoughts. I am much more stable today as compared to that time, when I had given up. But .. did I not think the same about myself even then? Am I failing? again?
I take another spoonful, a bigger one and shove it inside my mouth and make it melt again. I need to stop my thoughts going into a way I dont want to walk into. I am happy today and my happiness is about my love. The inside of mouth is icecold now. Brain - tired. Slowly I get back to the bed, close the eyes and let mind wander into cold nothingness. I let the earphone play the radio once again -
झुकी हुई निगाह में कहीं मेरा ख्याल था।
दबी दबी हसीं में इक, हँसीन सा सवाल था।
में सोचता था, मेरा नाम गुनगुना रही है वो।
न जाने क्यों लगा मुझे के मुस्कुरा रही है वो।
वो शाम .... कुछ अजीब थी .... ये शाम भी अजीब है।
वो कल भी पास पास थी, वो आज भी करीब है।
वो आज भी करीब है।
वो आज भी करीब है।
करीब... very close..
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
हमे डर है हम खो न जाएं कहीं...
Its been a good journey, but now I wanna change the equatiosn between me and my material ambitions
Eight long years since the last change.... and it has been ok. Some success with my work. But I am nowhere near what my present wish is. I want to change what I am doing. But I am unable to gather the guts to put a full stop to my present work, as I had often done in past.
If I ask my heart, I will just close down everything, and start afresh. But thats impractical. I would rather build another buffer ( just like the one I am building for annual investments in the present work). I will use this buffer to give a two or three year statbility to all who are dependent on me. And then, I would be free for those three years to re-discover my next potential.
This time, I want to keep my targets higher than I could everthink of. It would include large industries, big busines, private jets, high flying .... etc etc etc...
Just ... be around .. and close.
हमे डर है हम खो न जाएं कहीं
सुहाना सफर और ये मौसम हसीं।
Its been a good journey, but now I wanna change the equatiosn between me and my material ambitions
Eight long years since the last change.... and it has been ok. Some success with my work. But I am nowhere near what my present wish is. I want to change what I am doing. But I am unable to gather the guts to put a full stop to my present work, as I had often done in past.
If I ask my heart, I will just close down everything, and start afresh. But thats impractical. I would rather build another buffer ( just like the one I am building for annual investments in the present work). I will use this buffer to give a two or three year statbility to all who are dependent on me. And then, I would be free for those three years to re-discover my next potential.
This time, I want to keep my targets higher than I could everthink of. It would include large industries, big busines, private jets, high flying .... etc etc etc...
Just ... be around .. and close.
हमे डर है हम खो न जाएं कहीं
सुहाना सफर और ये मौसम हसीं।
Monday, March 3, 2008
Telepathy - What is it?
What is telepathy?
Is it kind of a mental exchange of dialogues? I used to think so, but some of the recent experiences have made me think more on this and here are my notes on it.
To understand telepathy, we must first know what it is not.
The popular belief, (or may I now call it the myth), about telepathy is that it is the ability to transfer a thought from one mind to another ( or several) minds. Well, not really. Thoughts are not objects that can be transferred from one to another. Thoughts are not things to be handed over from one to the other. Telepathy is not something like a brain based email system that sends messages from one point to another. No, telepathy is not about transfer of ideas and thoughts. Telepathy, as I have experienced, is not a mental communication.
It, to me, is like presence of a medium, an indefinable medium which may not have a shape, size, extent or measurements. It does not have a two way communication system kind of a thing. Rather, think of it like a cloud of thoughts, which a mind can enter, and feel the floating thoughts in that medium. It is kind of a mental space outside the mind, where thoughts float freely and are available to anyone and everyone whose mind is activated or trained to feel them.
Thoughts remain in this space, this medium forever. They are immortal. That explains that we sometimes go through some mental experiences ( illusions, visions, etc etc), that we have never seen or been through in our physical lives. Those thoughts float free in the space and effect us almost all the times. The stronger the thoughts, the easier they are to be felt. These thoughts have been there since ages, I guess ever since mind existed. We feel things that we have never known of. We experience them though those thoughts floating in the mental space.
Telepathy, to me, is the ability to understand these thoughts, floating freely in the medium. Telepathy is like a mental vision, that enables a mind to feel thoughts floating around the mind. Telepathy is our link to immortal thoughts of people from the past, and thoughts of people today.
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