Click Click Sleep Tight

The midnight moon, peeping from the window, was looking at me with obvious sarcasm.

I could feel the sadistic pleasure in the bright light on its round brilliantly white face. Beautiful. The moon looked happy at my state of mind. He was not the only one awake in this darkly lit night. The stars around seemed to giggle and mock at me.

The night was asking me again why I had taken the luxury of sleep for so many months. The night had been my constant companion in the past, playing games. And I ditched her. I chose to embrace a calm phase, for quite a few months, almost a year, and had been away from my sleepless nights. So I could see that my companions of darkness have been really annoyed with my calm.

I walked out in the concrete covered balcony and looked up to the window of visible sky. A black cat just purred somewhere in the backdrop, warning me of the some unknown disaster ahead. I chose to ignore it and picked up my little handy telescope, aimed at the dim night sky. Soon, I could see those umpteen little starry losers standing tight in the night sky, seemingly waiting for someone.. or waiting for the great fall.

It seemed like all these stars were hanging from the ropes of a circus arena, ready for some acrobatics, but too afraid of falling down. So they seemed still, waiting for some invisible trampoline, to fall upon, since ages. I wish they knew, no trampoline would ever appear.

A late night flight passing through my sky disturbed the chain of unreasonable thoughts. My eyes got this airplane in focus and followed it till it vanished in the cemented horizon of the cityscape. I walked inside, gave my body to the couch again and picked up the ultimate tool of empowerment in the modern times - the TV remote control. Click. Channel one, two, three, fifty nine, sixty two, ninety-nine, click click click. The moon still watched me through the window, with the same sarcasm.

I have always loved this sedative called television. It does put me to sleep.

तूफ़ान तो आना है

It has always felt like that.

The problems, bad times, would come.. and go. Scars would be left. Time has already shown bad, worse phases, but hands kept help strongly. Dunno why, my ground is much more shaky today. Recent weeks have shown me that good times are not forever.

तूफ़ान तो आना है,

आकर चले जाना है,

बादल है ये दो पल का ,

छा कर चले जाना है,

परछाईयाँ रह जाती,

रह जाती निशानी है,

जिंदगी और कुछ भी नहीं

तेरी मेरी कहानी है।

Or maybe .... another phase of life has reached its end now.

I had thought my present phase would not end before the life itself , but I guess I was wrong. My heart is still hopeful. My mind is not. The beliefs are shaken.

तू धार है नदिया की,

में तेरा किनारा हूँ,

तू मेरा सहारा है,

में तेरा सहारा हूँ।

Everything is a phase.

The Failure of Intuition

Somewhere, my intuitions have failed me this time.

Maybe I was overconfident...

kill my mind

just kill my mind ... somehow...

Good Day

If winning is so important ....

more important than anything....

I lose.

Good Day

Best Full

Dunno if it is Better-Half ... or Best Half...
Maybe it is Best-Full
Coz my life get all empty when you are not around.

Its a Win Win Situation for me.

The world is divided in two kinds of people - The winners and the losers.

Who is a winner? - The one who wins.. simple.

Who is a loser? - Everyone else.

Years ago, I gave a huge twist to my life, turning into a winner, in my own eyes, and the eyes of people who admired me then.

Winning made me lose a lot. There was a lot at stake, when I gave it a twist. I lost most of what was a stake. The cost of heavy. Doubtlessly.

Winning is not eternal. It takes a lot to remain a winner.

Now, I guess I am crossroads once again in life.

No, it is not one of those weekly messups.

I can see things changing forever.

I am changing inside too.

The crust of patience is breaking, once again.

But this was supposed to happen? Laws of nature I guess.

Whatever goes up, comes down.

Whatever is born, dies one day.

New life awaits me.

If I don't understand myself, who will? Someone will. Somewhere.

I would win again - Just that I am in lookout for a new battlefield.

aa bhi jaa

O God !
Take away my wait...
Please
. I am dead tired.

Aaa bhii jaa....