I do not trust my intuition - this time

My intuition says something which I do not believe.

It looks impossible.

No. I cannot be correct.

I hate ....

I hate dotors.
I hate prescriptions
I hate my mind.
I hate this sick morning.
I hate sedatives.
They cause that stupid slurr. They bloat the face.
I cannot work. I cannot focus.
I hate them. And I wanna try to live normal.
Its all a bloody chemical warfare inside me.

All i need is...
a dayfull of work
a nighful of sleep

Sickman's Love Disorder

I wish I could
love you
as much as

you do.

I guess
I do not
love you,
enough.

When I hear,

lets go,

Your way, my way

i choke.

Your absense,
like your silence,
surrounds me,
fills me,
oozes out

from a dry eye.

and

I tell myself,

Maybe,

I have not

loved you

enough, ever.

I tell myself,

a hundred times

each silent day,

that this craving

is a disease.

It needs

to be cured,

not endured,.

That when

i miss you,

its not love.

Its a disorder.

when I get

restless,

i need a pill,

not love.

The night sky,

stares at me,

and my phone,

still beepless,

leaves me

clueless,

once again.

Depression & anxiety,

and other

disorders of the heart,

can be cured for sure.

Its all, afterall,

a chemical imbalance

a harmonal anarchy.

I wish I could

love you

as much as you do.

I know you love me

in a perfectly

balanced way.

In right proportions

clinically measured,

drop by drop

at fixed intervals

as required.

You know...

an ocean

full of love

will cause me

indigestion.

I wish... I could love more.

At least,

As much as you do.

----------------------

Emptiness ... unforeseen

When I walked the footpaths of time, playing the tune of my heart, never I had realized that I am walking into something that can make me so alone. This unforeseen lounge that I have entered now is full of known faces, alienated today. It is like being in a cage of my footsteps. All around, I see my doings, mocking me.

This was inevitable. So why do I feel it was unforeseen.

When I sit alone among people, I wait for someone from miles away, to spread a hand, to give a call, and wait.

The only reason I see this is happening, is because I did it to others.

What do I do?

Running with tired feet? Talking with my tied tongue? Or loving with my dried heart?

करते है मोह्हबत तो गुज़रता है गुमान और - Love pampers my ego...

है बस के हर एक उनके इशारे में निशाँ और,
करते है मोह्हबत तो गुज़रता है गुमान और।

या रब वो न समझे है, न समझेगे मेरी बात,
दे और दिल उनको जो न दे मुझको जुबां और।

है और भी दुनिया में सुखनवर बहुत अच्छे ,
कहते हैके गालिब का है अंदाज़-ऐ-बयां और।