Aur Nahin... enuff for today

I feel stupified.

Today , till now, has been a very odd day.

Unpleasant.

Everything turned odd.. but its ok ..

Maybe .... इस में भी कोई अच्छी बात होगी।

Can't take more for today. Enuff I guess.

tired

I feel worn out. Need a break.

Pata nahin...


कोई सागर दिल को बहलाता नहीं,
बेखुदी में भी करार आता नहीं।

में कोई पत्थर नहीं, इंसान हूँ,
कैसे कह दूं गम से घबराता नहीं।

I have been thinking over and over again about the infections since the talk of the last evening. I understand the concern, but I still do not have an answer to anything.

I am only relying on my instinct to say that I maybe safe from problems. But I know this is never enough.

I do not know if I am ready to put myself under the scanner, because if any results are not the way I think, there would be nothing left in life. Sometimes knowledge is helpful, and sometimes knowledge can ruin everything.

I am afraid that I will lose the life-force that has been driving me to fulfil my job till my death.

I do not fear death, but I do fear going without completing my work.

The questions I have been asked have challanged my sleeping brain to a restless stage, and I am getting no answers.

Just wondering, am i mentally prepared for testing myself?
Is it just the same as - Am I ready to be alone forver till I die.. how soon? How late? No idea....

Is testing myself and making myself aware may be same as killing myself before time? I do not know..... Guess so...

What is the fun in living in a dead body.....

Everything looks gloomy ...

Trying to gather guts, but looks too tough...

तुम रहती हो...

तुम सोचोगी क्यों इतना
में तुमसे प्यार करूं।

तुम समझोगी दीवाना,
में भी इकरार करूं।

दिवानो कि ये बातें,
दीवाने जानते हैं।

जलने में क्या मज़ा है,
परवाने जानते हैं।

तुम यूँ ही जलाते रहना,
आ आ कर ख्वाबो में,

पल पल दिल के पास...

तुम
रहती
हो।

Elements of Restlessness

I do not know what I am dealing with.

Volatility and intense swings all through the night ruin my mornings.

It looks like that the life is going through a chaotic passage of time

Lack of proper sleep from last few nights has given me a headache which doesn't seem to go away.

This morning, I decided to get to work early, but then, what do I do? Some work, some emails, some designs, and then restlessness comes back.

What is this? My mind seems to have grown another mind of its own.

I feel I am longing for peace, happiness and calmness.

The heart is on an overdrive.
To be calm, I am going for a drive now.

Do not know what to do, but ....................

I need fresh air.

तुझे क्या खबर है ओ बेखबर

Tears, sleeping peacefully, in the folds of my eyelids, woke up one night, drop by drop, dared to flow out, rolled out, on the desert called life, queuing drops from the eye, over the cheeks, falling down on the harsh grounds of reality, and drying down, vanishing into nothingness.


And more teardrops, still peeping from the eyelids, saw this vanishing act of those who dared and vanished, decided to get back, and settle down quietly in the eyes, never to dare again and drop from the eyes.

Tears are safe inside the eyes। I would let them stay there.

No sadness.... Just you...

Your thoughts surround me like a blanket of protection.

Do I say again and again - Why shouldn't I desire you? - मुझे क्यों न हो तेरी आरजू ... ।


ये हवा, ये रात, ये चांदनी; तेरी हर अदा पे निसार है,
मुझे क्यों न हो तेरी आरजू , तेरी जुस्तजू में बहार है।

Everything, the cool winter air, the mesmerizing moonlight, is going crazy over your style. Why shouldn't I want you, when the spring too wants you so much ... Why can't I ?

तुझे क्या खबर है ओ बेखबर,
तेरी इक नज़र में है क्या असर;
जो गज़ब में तौ कहर है,
जो हो मेहरबान तौ करार है।

You are just blissfully unaware what effects you have .... The way(s) you lok at me. A liitle angry and its devastation for me, and a little smile makes me feel ....my dil go zoooooooooom ......

मुझे क्यों न हो तेरी आरजू , तेरी जुस्तजू में बहार है।

तेरी बात बात है दिलनशीं,
कोई तुझ से बढ़ के नहीं हसीं,
है कली कली पे जो मस्तियां,
तेरी आँख का ये खुमार है।

मुझे क्यों न हो तेरी आरजू , तेरी जुस्तजू में बहार है।

Looks like its morning outside... yeah. just saw out of the window curtain ...
Another day has started. Good Morning Sunday ..

If there is more life ....

I love rediscovering the writings and meanings what Ghalib wrote. Everytime, the verses look to factual, fresh and having an everlastign impact.

Tonight, just thinking about the one - कोई दिन गर जिंदगानी और है .... If there are more days to my life ....

कोई दिन गर जिंदगानी और है,
अपने जी में हमने ठानी और है।

Simply said, if there are a few more days of my life, I have something else in my heart.

बार-हा देखी है उनकी रंजिशे,
पर कुछ अबके सर-गिरानी और है।

सर-गिरानी - Pride

आतिशे दोज़ख में ये गर्मी कहाँ,
सोज़-ए-गम हाय निहानी और है.

The fire of hell doesnt have that heat, which is hidden in the sadness inside.

--------

नींद उसकी है

नींद उसकी है
दिमाग उसका है
रातें उसकी है

तेरी जुल्फें,
जिसके बाजू के
परीशान हो गई

- Ghalib