I have been thinking over and over again about the infections since the talk of the last evening. I understand the concern, but I still do not have an answer to anything.

I am only relying on my instinct to say that I maybe safe from problems. But I know this is never enough.

I do not know if I am ready to put myself under the scanner, because if any results are not the way I think, there would be nothing left in life. Sometimes knowledge is helpful, and sometimes knowledge can ruin everything.

I am afraid that I will lose the life-force that has been driving me to fulfil my job till my death.

I do not fear death, but I do fear going without completing my work.

The questions I have been asked have challanged my sleeping brain to a restless stage, and I am getting no answers.

Just wondering, am i mentally prepared for testing myself?
Is it just the same as - Am I ready to be alone forver till I die.. how soon? How late? No idea....

Is testing myself and making myself aware may be same as killing myself before time? I do not know..... Guess so...

What is the fun in living in a dead body.....

Everything looks gloomy ...

Trying to gather guts, but looks too tough...