Say cheese...

Anger hurts big time.

And it hurts even more when one simply gulps it down with a dry smile. It does down the throat with a thorny feel and sticks in the chest for long, refusing to go down further.

There was a time when anger used to go down well, and turn into fuel to power the drive. Now, the drive itself seems to be taking long pauses of silence, sprinkled with unspoken boredom. I know I no longer do interesting things, I no longer have more rabbits in my hat to pull out with joyous surpises. Looks like my show is losing its pace, without reaching the climaxic orgasm. Visualizing an almost empty theatre with a lone puppet on the stage, with sloppy strings, almost falling down.

The formality of the night was a shattering expereince, a normal shattering experience. Shattering, because I felt broken to splinters peircing my skin. Normal, because I am told this is bound to happen.

I cannot react, because I could not act at the first place.
And I am told, even if I would have acted, my reaction would not be valid.

It is like flying a solo aircraft over atlantic, with fuel running down fast, and obviously there is no destination. Just flying till ...

Looking back, I am trying to bring out utility out of my futility.
No longer. In most cases, my utility is long over.
I do not know how I can be useful any longer.

Good Morning Sunday. Smile ... Say Cheese. ... Look Happy.... What the heck.