The stress of desire and fear

I am feeling stressed. Heavily stressed with loads of desire and loads of fear.

I had a very disturbed sleep last night, every now and then waking up with a rising desire to take my sweetheart in my arms, loving endlessly. There was no way to cool me off. And then, the stress of complications arising was getting too much on my nerves.

I know that none of us want complications and even if they come, there would be ways to tackle them; but somehow, the thought of complications double my stress. I got up a couple of times, got the the internet to find answers to my questions, but all i got was a mixed bag of statements from people equally confused than I am. I looked for doctors who could advice me and took down an address too. But I am afraid and confused. And yet, I am not able to put my desire down.

I love being in love, being loved; yet, I am not able to come up with solutions for complications that may arise now, or in future.

I often tell myself that things will be ok, and I may be able to handle problems once they come, but my fears eat me inside and increase the stress levels.

Next few days of my life will bring to me the biggest tests of my life I ever had. I wand to stand up, but I am afraid of my weak knees. What if I tremble or fall ?

This morning is very depressing. I do not know how will I handle it today, tomorrow, day after.... till things become clearer. What if they dont? What if things have goen wrong?

I slap myself hard for getting the wish of being loved more and more, even at this mental state. But I cant help it. I have been loved and I feel good and warm and nice at every thought of you.

I like when I am pampered with kisses and I love when your touch admires my body and soul.

But ....... I have no answers, and the questions are killing me...

I have always said that one must sit tight in such situations and let time come up with answers; but now, when it is time, I am unable to sit tight. Next few days are critical, for love, fear, pain, failure, faith, success, what all ?

Time to get ready .... for whatever comes.